We've all been in this situation.
Somebody asks us to do him or her a favor and, though there
are a gazillion other things we should do first, we find it
difficult to turn the other person down because he or she has
done us a favor in the past, or is a close friend or a family
member. The concept of gratitude prevails and we find ourselves
trapped in something we really didn't know why we committed
to. We can sometimes be so worried at causing disappointment
in other people, often at the expense of our own activities
and interests.
Frankly, knowing how to say 'no'
requires skill. Others might say that it shouldn't be hard to
do. But, let's face it. We live as social beings and acceptance
often occupies the number one spot in the list of virtues we
want to achieve. Despite this, there are actually ways we can
circumvent this difficulty. Subliminal
persuasion is one way. Here are five more friendly, pain-free
and reasonable ways to say 'no'.
1. Say 'no'; then show what the
other person has to do to get a 'yes'
For example: An employee is asking
you for a raise but you hesitate to do so because lately he's
been skipping work and picking arguments with co-workers. Yet,
he looks like he really needs it and has been working for your
company for three years now. You want to give him a raise, but
his recent behavior is a little disappointing. How do you say
'no'?
Tell him that you can't approve
a raise right now, but will do so once you see an improvement
in his work ethic. You can say, "I understand your need
for a salary increase, but in order for me to implement that,
we'll have to work on strengthening your work habits. Now, let's
see how we can make that happen…"
2. Make it impersonal.
Make it sound like saying 'no'
was a matter of circumstance, not of choice. An example of this
is: "We've just paid our mortgage and my daughter is going
off to college in two weeks. I won't be able to lend you money."
3. Say 'no' in a way that will
make the other person say 'no' to himself or herself
Instead of saying 'no', teach
the other person to say 'yes' to what you want. Do this subtly,
of course. For instance, your fashion conscious sister wants
to get a pink iPod while you want a blue one. You can tell her
that while pink is a cute color, it's more difficult to match
with her clothes. Once you level with her and link what you
want with what interests her, she'll give in and agree with
you.
4. Say you want to say 'yes',
but…
Like tip number two, make it
sound like you had no choice but to turn the other person down.
This way, the relationship remains intact and no one gets hurt.
Just don't involve other people, like blame your saying 'no'
to somebody else, as this could result in conflict and ill feelings.
5. Say it nicely.
You're giving negative news,
so you might as well do it nicely. Let the other person down
easy to avoid misunderstandings. It's the least you can for
the disappointed. People tend to be more accepting of bad news
if it's brought in a polite and sympathetic manner.
