conversation skills, confidence, attraction, success

How to Be Interesting Without Saying a Word
By Joshua Uebergang

Being interesting without having to say a word is the summit of socializing Mount Everest. The idea of not having to speak a single word and appeal more attractive to the opposite sex and interesting to anyone has an effortless notion to it. You can be interesting without saying a word and yes it really is quite easy to accomplish. It may take some effort to achieve subconsciously overtime so you do not need to think about using these techniques, but overall the skills are pretty simple to use.

We know there are primarily two aspects to communication. There is verbal and non-verbal communication. Seeing that in this article we are not interested in verbal communication, how to be interesting without saying a word revolves around non-verbal communication. Also known as body language, non-verbal communication really does give you the power to be interesting.

Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of California in Los Angeles, Albert Mehrabian, created the "7%-38%-55% Rule". It is a communication rule defining what factors give meaning to our words. The rule says 7% of meaning is in the spoken words, 38% of meaning is in how we say the words, and 55% of meaning is in facial expressions. The rule cannot be accurately applied to all situations as Professor Mehrabian says that this rule applies only when someone is discussing their likes and dislikes. He does still emphasize that body language is always a strong influencer in communication.

Knowing the power of body language, you will be able to control your non-verbal communication to communicate the messages you want others to receive. If you want to appear attractive, then your body language has the power to communicate that. If you want to appear lazy, boring, or unattractive then you adjust your body language accordingly and others will immediately begin judging you as lazy, boring, or unattractive. Your body language really has the power to influence and communicate what you want - in our case, how to be interesting.

Here are the three most powerful non-verbal skills you can put into your communication bag of techniques that will instantly make you more interesting, rapidly improve your attractiveness, make you more approachable, and quickly explode your confidence like never before with such ease:

Gooey Eyes

This is arguably the fastest way to dial-up attraction and literally hypnotize the opposite sex into becoming attracted towards you. The other person will see you making great eye contact and instantly infer from your body language that you are no ordinary person. Excellent eye contact is really powerful in giving the message that you are an interesting person.

Generally, the technique involves more eye contact with those who you want to see you as being more interesting. The imagery you want to have and where it gets the gooey eyes name from is your eyes are to be like peeling a sticky toffee off a surface. Look at the person just a little bit longer compared to when you'd normally look away and as you look away begin to visualize your eyes peeling off the person like a sticky toffee being removed from a surface. As you turn your head down or to the side to look away, maintain eye contact for a little bit longer and peel your eyes off the person as you turn. Gooey eyes contain several different levels of intensity depending on the person and the situation.

Generally, women to women and men to women can have very strong eye contact. Women interact with others to feel intimacy and strong eye contact is associated with intimacy. Take a look at how long women spend on the phone. They can take hours simply talking about what happened in one day. Now think about how long a man-to-man phone call takes. We'll often punch in the numbers and be off the phone within 1 minute :). We are very objective based.

When someone makes strong eye contact with a woman in a conversation, their intimacy experienced in the interaction amplifies. They instantly feel you are more interesting and they become more attracted to you whether as a friend or potential partner. When you and a woman see one another, make eye contact for at least a few extra seconds to when you would normally look away in addition to applying the gooey eyes technique. You will catch her attention, show confidence, and be far more interesting to her.

If you're a guy and want to appear attractive to a lady, make an effort to never look away from her until she loses eye contact with you. Using this technique will display explosive amounts of confidence to the lady which is very attractive to women. You do need to be careful in some cultures and situations with excessive eye contact because it can be interpreted as threatening and aggressive.

For a man to man interaction, we guys need to soften the gooey eyes technique. Too much eye contact in this case is often interpreted by the other guy as aggressive behavior. The guys' interpretation over this body language is just human nature like how women feel intimacy in conversations. If you're a guy, on average aim to make eye contact about 70% of the time with another guy and when you look away, visualize your eyes peeling off the person like a sticky toffee. You won't come off as aggressive or at the other end of the eye contact spectrum as shy, but you'll find a median that shows you are a "someone" who is interesting.

Applying gooey eyes and improving your eye contact will give off many messages beyond making you appear more interesting. You'll look like you're a "someone" and people will feel and see your higher confidence levels.

Illuminating Smile

In Dale Carnegies' How to Win Friends and Influence People, he discusses the importance of smiling. Most of us are well aware of the influence a good smile has yet many wonder exactly how is it done. You need to learn the "how" and not just the "what".

Have you felt like a cold turkey when someone smiles at you? It feels like the smile is a fabricated mask covering the person's true feelings towards you. Other people can light up your heart with a beautiful smile. What is the difference and how can you achieve an illuminating smile that lights up the room?

I've got good news for you. You don't have to be born with a great smile. The face is comprised of muscles that you simply need to control to develop an illuminating smile. You can carve a great smile out from your face.

A cold turkey smile begins with the person who's smiling not truly feeling happy or excited towards the person they are with. If you can build the emotions inside then it will help express the emotions on the outside. It helps to have the skill to fabricate a smile though learning to stimulate the emotions to create an illuminating smile is still helpful.

A cold turkey smile is simply an on and off switch, while an illuminating smile will slowly increase its intensity until illuminated. I call this the illuminating smile because your smile will be like a volume switch gradually being turned until at full power. Your illuminating smile is also like a dimming light that has varying intensity. It can light up the room at its highest level (a big smile), it can be off (a normal face), and anywhere in between. As you maintain eye contact with someone after two seconds "turn up" your smile. Begin with a little smile and slowly increase it over two seconds until it becomes a big smile. So, from the initial eye contact too your largest smile will total about four seconds.

Practice your smiling in front of a mirror. Make the initial eye contact, wait a few seconds, and then gradually increase your smile to illuminate the room. You will see for yourself how genuine and interesting your smile really is. I do advise you to lock the door to the room in case someone sees you practicing your smile. It's weird to see, but wonderful to do.

An illuminating smile will appear genuine because you do not instantly flick on your smile upon eye contact. Rather, you wait a second or two, begin smiling, and increase your smile's size over a few more seconds. An illuminating smile gives you the ability to appear genuine, will light up the room, and make you an interesting person before even speaking a word.

Capitalizing Posture

An excellent posture rings a giant bell to everyone that you are a "someone" who is interesting. It tells everyone you are not an average person. In the man to woman context, a woman instantly is able to see which guys she feels are interesting by observing how they walk. A guy with an excellent posture switches all her right buttons and makes her interested.

I've called it a capitalizing posture for several reasons. A successful person will use his or her current assets better then someone who is not successful. Seeing we all have a posture with the potential to become a great asset, you can capitalize on your posture. Capitalize on one of your greatest assets - your posture.

Also, a good posture is often associated with being tall. A capitalizing posture will be like buildings in a capital city. This doesn't mean you need to be like a giant (me :)) to have good posture. Far from it. It is about focusing on being erect and using your posture the best you can.

There are several techniques you can use to grow your greatest body language asset and I like the following technique the best from what I've experienced:

Stand up with your back touching a wall using your normal posture. Feel the position you are in or even see what it looks like in a mirror. Notice how your head lunges forwards, your neck is bent, and your shoulder blades (the main part of your upper back) rests uncomfortably against the wall.

Now adjust that posture to what is a capitalizing posture by touching your head against the wall and shoulder blades flat against the wall. To get your should blades flat against the wall you'll need to move your shoulders backwards. You'll feel a little compressed so take a deep breath to stretch your posture into a taller position. This is a capitalizing posture. Your head will be up, neck straight, shoulders back, and back straight.

Now get your butt of the computer chair you are sitting on and try this technique for yourself then come back and read the rest of this article.

Learn From Others

Here is a powerful yet simple exercise that will rapidly improve your non-verbal communication guaranteed. Go on YouTube and find a video of someone who you look up to and who is notably famous. Don't get distracted! Do the exercise only! For me, I love basketball so I chose Michael Jordan. Once you've found a video of this person, turn all sound off, watch the video, and observe his or her body language. Now find and watch a video with the sound turned off of an "average person". Observe this person's body language and compare the difference to the body language of the person you admire. It's not guaranteed, but the person who is notably more successful will appear far more interesting due to his or her body language. Take note of what makes the person more interesting. Also, think of why the other person isn't that interesting. Ask yourself what parts of their body language could be improved.

Another and more original version of this technique involves watching people in public as they walk. Go into a busy area where many people are walking like a shopping centre and observe the different forms of body language. Look out for who has poor eye contact, isn't smiling, or has a pitiable posture. These people will generally be of a lower social class. Now watch those who you think are in a higher social class. They will appear more interesting because they will hold their heads up straight, make good eye contact, will likely smile, and have excellent posture.

Observing these situations deepens your understanding of how powerful gooey eyes, an illuminating smile, and a capitalizing posture is. Practice these techniques in a mirror or the next time you socialize and see for yourself how they instantly make you a more interesting person without saying a word. Congratulations, you've just climbed the easy summit of socializing Mount Everest and are now more interesting with minimal effort.

About the Author:
Joshua Uebergang is owner of EarthlingCommunication.com where he teaches people effective
communication skills
. You can signup to his communication skills newsletter called the "Earthling Transmission" for free. As a thank you for joining you'll receive a bonus report on communicating effectively.

 


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