To Criticize And Still Be Nice
Lee, Author of How
To Be An Expert Persuader
Have you ever encountered
an experience when someone told you how inefficient you've become?
Maybe your superior have commented on how bad your work turned
out to be. Maybe you've heard from other folks how people view
you as unfriendly or incompetent.
Hurts, doesn't it?
Believe it or not,
some people can be so tactless that they are not even aware when
they've hurt anyone's feelings. The recipients, especially the
sensitive ones, would be offended by their remarks.
This would result
in conflicts and arguments. Miscommunication has often been the
cause of arguments and failed relationships.
But what if you know
you're doing them a big favor by saving them from embarassment
or frustration through your criticism? Would
they realize your good intentions instead of feeling hurt by your
frank comments or advice?
They might probably
think you're too rude or impolite. But what can you do if you
really need to assert an honest criticism, but you're afraid of
hurting others' feelings?
Want to know the secret?
All you have to do
is sandwich your negative comment between two positive remarks.
For example, your
best friend James is going on his very first date. He's all excited
and raring to go. Now James doesn't have any fashion sense. He's
wearing a bland shirt and old jeans. You know all along how he
hates to admit that he's wrong.
So what will you do
to save James from an embarassing first date? Would you tell him
that the outfit he's wearing is repulsive? That would hurt his
Well, you can first
point out the things that you like in his overall appearance.
Comment on his well-groomed hair. Tell him he looks cool when
wearing his sunglasses. Ask him where he bought his perfume because
it can certainly attract women like bees to honey. Be sincere
Then, insert in a
nice and suave manner your witty criticism or advice. You can
tell him something like:
"Your shirt seems
to be very comfortable to wear, James. Since this is your very
first date, I think Sandra (his date) will be much more impressed
if you would wear something like the outfit that you wore on my
birthday. You look more attractive when you put on clothes like
Afterwards, make another
positive reinforcement. You could say something like:
"You would definitely
make a big impact on Sandra. She would fall heads over heels over
your gorgeous appearance and fun personality. Have a great time
on your date, James."
Do you think James
would be offended by such pleasant comments? Not a chance. You
have wittingly inserted a slightly negative feedback into a multitude
of non-offensive and ego-boosting remarks.
People love compliments.
They believe they got the qualities. They want other people to
intensify the great abilities that they believe to possess. People
wanted to hear their greatness purported from someone else's mouth,
and they would be very glad if other individuals would know about
So if you want to
criticize anybody, remember to praise him first. It will leave
a positive impression that you're a nice person. Then say what
you have to say, but in a smooth and non-offensive manner. Finalize
with another positive statement to establish a foundation of goodwill.
Want to learn the
most amazing secrets to persuade anyone to do almost anything?
Then check out How
To Be An Expert Persuader... In 20 Days or Less. This
program reveals breakthrough persuasion secrets to change anyone's
behavior, skyrocket your income, win lots of friends, attract
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